These terms tell you the rules for using our website www.spelthornecommunitytv.com (our site). Please read these terms very very very very very carefully before using our site. Ok. Deep breath. Here we go.
Who we are and how to contact us
Our site is operated by Spelthorne Community TV Limited (we). We are a UK based television production company and can be contacted at firstname.lastname@example.org. You can write to us and tell us how cool we are because that’s a really nice thing for you to do and we love praise.
By using our site you accept these terms
If you do not agree to these terms, you must not use our site. Bugger off. Go onto another website. We checked, there are loads. Literally no peeking, or pretending that you’re looking at something else when you’re taking sneaky glances or doing the old looking through your fingers trick (or wearing a see-through blindfold).
We provide the site on an ‘as is’ basis and make no representations as to the quality, completeness or accuracy of any content made available on our site. In fact, we have deliberately misrepresented some things or left some sections incomplete, just so that we can take advantage of our rights in these terms and conditions.
We may make changes to these terms
We may make changes to these terms from time to time because here at Spelthorne we like to f**k s**t up. Apologies for swearing, but we really do. Please check this page occasionally to see any updates or changes to them. We expect that you spend loads of your time checking back at website terms and conditions to see if there are any changes, so just do the same with us.
We may suspend or withdraw our site
Our site is made available free of charge – ridiculous that we’re giving away this great content for free, but that’s who we are. We do not guarantee that our site, or any content on it, will always be available or be uninterrupted. We may suspend or withdraw or restrict the availability of all or any part of our site for business and operational reasons. We are not sure why we would do this, or that anyone would care, but we totally can do this if we need to, that is our right goddam it... and there ain’t nothing you can do about it. So put that in your pipe and smoke it... Actually don’t. Smoking is harmful and we do not advocate it.
How you may use material on our site
We own all intellectual property rights in our site and in the material published on it. Those works are protected by copyright laws and treaties. All such rights are reserved. But this shouldn’t stop any of our website users from telling other people that the TV Spelthorne makes is incredible, so please spread the word, but without ripping off our copyright…
You must not use any part of the content for commercial purposes without obtaining a licence to do so from us.
We are not responsible for websites we link to
Where our site contains links to other sites and resources provided by third parties, these links are provided for your information only. Such links should not be interpreted as approval by us of those linked websites or information you may obtain from them. We have no control over the contents of those sites or resources. So basically, if we link to someone else’s stuff, and you don’t like it, definitely contact them and not us...
Loss or damage suffered by you
To the maximum extent permitted by law (yeah, that’s right, LAW), we expressly exclude all implied conditions, warranties, representations or other terms that may apply to our site or any content on it.
We will not be liable to you for any loss or damage, whether in contract, tort (including negligence), breach of statutory duty or otherwise, even if foreseeable, arising under or in connection with:-
use of, or inability to use, our site;
use of or reliance on any content displayed on our site.
In particular, we will not be liable for:-
loss of profits, sales, business or revenue;
loss of anticipated savings, business opportunity, goodwill or reputation; or
any indirect or consequential loss or damage.
Our Site is literally that compelling that if you access it, you can get sucked into it.. it’ll be like an addiction you can’t shake and so it’s easy to see how your day-to-day business activities would be interrupted and you might lose millions of pounds. So just saying that we will not be on the hook for that. Get off the site, and get some help...
We are not responsible for malware and viruses and you must not introduce them
We do not guarantee that our site will be secure or free from bugs, malware or viruses. You should use your own virus protection software. Sort of like a condom for your computer. A computer condom. Con.com. Holy hell we’re onto something...
You must not misuse our site by knowingly introducing viruses, malware, trojans, worms, logic bombs or other material that is malicious or technologically harmful. That wouldn’t be cool. You must not attempt to gain unauthorised access to our site, the server on which our site is stored or any server, computer or database connected to our site – again, not cool. You must not attack our site via a denial-of-service attack or a distributed denial-of-service attack – this one is bang out of order. By breaching this provision, you would commit a criminal offence under the Computer Misuse Act 1990. In the event of such a breach, your right to use our site will cease immediately, and you 100% won’t get invited to our Christmas party which will be a real shame as it’s absolutely iconic. Last year we went to Carluccios and our Head of Production drank 4 bottles of rosé and got off with the runner. #madwun
Rules about linking to our site
You may link to our home page, provided you do so in a way that is fair and legal and does not damage our reputation or take advantage of it. So please don’t, for example, link to it as “one of the worst 10 TV production sites”... That wouldn’t be funny.
You must not establish a link in such a way as to suggest any form of association, approval or endorsement on our part where none exists.
Our site must not be framed on any other site.
We reserve the right to withdraw linking permission without notice. Just keep checking our website, as we know you always do...
Law that applies to any disputes
To sum up. Don’t be a dick.
Lots of love,
Spelthorne Community TV